I Have a Bad Feeling about This ePUB Ï Have a Bad ☆ Epub 3q1.co

Wilderness Survival Tip #1 Drinking your own sweat will not save your life Somebody might have told you that but they were trying to find out if you'd really do itHenry Lambert would rather play video games than spend time in the great outdoors but that doesn't make him a wuss Skinny nerd? Fine But wuss is a little harsh Sadly his dad doesn't agree Which is why Henry is being shipped off to Strongwoods Survival CampStrongwoods isn't exactly as advertised It looks like the victim of a zombie apocalypse the camp director is a psycho drill sergeant and Henry's sure he saw a sign written in bloodWilderness Survival Tip #2 In case of an avalanche don't despair You're doomed but that's a wicked cool deathWilderness Survival Tip #3 If you're relying on this book for actual survival tips you're dead alreadyPraise for Jeff Strand's A Bad Day For Voodoo A delightfully ludicrous read School Library JournalJust the thing for teen wiseacres BooklistA free wheeling dark comedy that starts off running and doesn't stop until all plausibility is exhausted Sam Raimi fans should eat it up Publishers Weekly

10 thoughts on “I Have a Bad Feeling about This

  1. says:

    Hut tennnnnn SHUNOh how I miss SargePri vates Run Run many fast Run like the enemy is be crawling you from the be afterEnglish was not his first language but we wouldn't have dared to laugh at himWow we are living in such a different world from the one I grew up in In High School every Wednesday for two full periods we had what they called Cadets One of our teachers was a captain in the army before teaching of course In those two periods we were at the mercy of whatever their sadistic minds could come up with in hindsight looking at teenagers I can't blame them at allThe very first day I had the 'privilege' to experience it he had us all standing in formation on the rugby field He held up a grenade and explained to us exactly how dangerous and deadly they were Then he shrugged pulled the pin and threw it in the middle of about 200 boysOf course the panicked screams and running was hilarious to all the teachers especially when the green smoke started coming out of the smoke grenadeAh good timesWell in this book Henry Lambert and his best friend Randy gets shipped off to Stongwoods Survival Camp Their counsellor Max will have his hands full for the next two weeks to teach these five boys how to survive in the wild when the shcrap hits the fanAnd these kids does not know much beyond computer gamesNow I am not an outdoor person At all I love nature as long as it doesn't directly affect me I for one will not snub all the hard work and advances the human race has made to give us the comforts of things likefor example flushing toilets And with my phobia of spiders I feel justified when I kill one in my home we have an understanding I have my house they have everything outsideBut like I mentioned before I grew up in a very different time I went on several camps during my school years it was not like we had any say in it I also received some survival training which is why I can tell you that a black ant tastes like pepper some useful advice if you have an ant problem and that a grasshopper whose body is rich in protein should be de legged de winged and the head turned at about 45 degrees That way when you pull it off all the intestines comes out with the head Then you place it on a stick and cook it over a fire like a marshmallow Believe me it does not taste anything like chickenSo I managed to survive them but Henry and his friends might not be so lucky There will be violence there will be blood and best of all there will be a pretty girlThis book is hilarious I loved every single page and can recommend it to anybody who enjoys comedy

  2. says:

    Find all of my reviews at StarsThe best thing about being a parent? BOOK FAIR Meet Henry Lambert – a skinny videogame playing dork who suffers from uite normal fears – like being eaten by a shark or a seahorse???? ^^^^Ewwwww No wonder he’s afraidHenry’s father has decided it’s high time Henry learn a little something about life and facing his fear of the outdoors so he finds himself being shipped off to survival camp for a couple of weeks Once there Henry meets the camp leader – a guy who may or may not be missing some of his marbles and discovers the climax of his camp experience will be a non deadly “Hunger Games” style of elimination game Little does Henry know his last worry should be about surviving a game He and his fellow campers will soon be fighting for their lives Things Henry thinks might come in handy once he realizes his life is on the line? “A pitchfork a pickax a lightweight lawnmower a Doberman a ceiling fan attached to a power source with a corn he wouldn’t trip over ninja stars an automobile with iron spikes on the front grille a voodoo doll of Chad a cow to use as a shield three machetes tied together a wheelbarrow filled with broken glass Jackie Chan a fully charged Taser a shockingly vicious gerbil a water pistol that contained acid instead of water but not acid that would eat through the gun itself which would be inconvenient an aerodynamic wrench for throwing a backup wrench for bashing bottle rockets a chainsaw that would start on the first three tugs a gun rotten eggs Excalibur a baseball bat wooden or aluminum – no preference a shaken up can of Mountain Dew one of those metal things you used to poke at burning firewood an artificial limb to use as a bludgeoning device not for locomotion better shoes a bullwhip a bull to whip some variety of rocket Captain America’s shield Thor’s hammer Black Widow’s custume for Monica to wear a reliable flamethrower a spear an electric razor which would do not real damage but might cause Chad to stop and think “why is he running at me with an electric razor?” which could prove to be a deadly lapse of concentration a potted plant an orangutan something with poison on it a laptop computer that he didn’t mind breaking over somebody’s head the power to control space and time a lengthy screwdriver a totally badass looking piece of wood covered with razor wire and rusty nails roller skates a tire iron a javelin – come to think of it the roller skates wouldn’t be very helpful on this uneven dirt ground so he cancelled that wish – a Model 1881 Gatling gun with the Bruce style feed system US Patents 247158 and 343532 a pocketknife a shark andor a scimitar” Things from the above list Henry actually has????NadaIf you have a non book loving middle grader like I do who is a fan of superfuntimes like this I Have A Bad Feeling About This might be just the thing to make him get his read on Plenty of action as well as humor can be found within its pages It even gives a little reminder that girls kick just as much if not ass than boys sometimes Go girls Yay girls Did you hear that in Linda Belcher’s voice???? You know you didRumor on the streets is this one is even short listed to be a Truman nominee aka the recommended reading selections for my kid’s school next year And if you’re a grown up? Jeff Strand is best known for his horror writing but I gotta give mad props to a guy who can write in ANY genre and make me want to read it My favorite book by Strand is Kumuat If you are a fan of the romcom andor the road trip it's a story that shouldn't be missed I gotta give mad props to a guy who can write in any genre

  3. says:

    How can I give Jeff Strand a less than stellar rating? My own life is over Surely a man with his genius and twisted mind will come seek me out dress me up in a clown outfit and barbeue me aliveThe novel tells the story of teens at a near militant like camp that is supposed to toughen them up They prepare for some mock survival games which then turns very real and deadly The novel is full of Strand's humor which I often found hilarious and witty The problem I had was this humor seemed to always be of the same vein and each character seemed to have the same sense of humor The teens all had different issues yes but the observient dead pan making fun of horrific plights of situations was like the same joke throughout I wanted the training to end and the real survival games to begin Then I want the real games to end and the book to be over I found this a hard read and fought the urge to skim I lost that fight often It wasn't one of those books that says YA on it but will be enjoyed as much or by adults I wonder if a 12 year old would have the same reaction as I didThere was some amazing plotting skills with the book moving in and out of the story and into talking about the story itself as if we were watching the movie version and the Wilderness Survival Tips placed in regular intervals throughout were a blast to read The problem was I enjoyed them than the story itself Jeff will always be a better writer than I but I would pick up one of his other books first I'm going to put on a clown outfit now Best to get it out of the way and be done with it

  4. says:

    What can I add that other reviewers haven't already said? Strand is a top notch author any way you look at it I found this one uproarously funny I can't think of another author other than Jeff Strand that can pull off so much laugh out loud humor when mixing hard boiled killers and a teenaged survival camp As with just about every other book I've read from this man this story is highly recommended

  5. says:

    Nerds have been treated the same for centuries None of it good I can only personally vouch for half of my own current century However I feel reasonably certain that Archimedes was familiar with the wedgie I also feel a little less reasonably sure that Jeff Strand knows something about wedgies How else could he put so much humor that feels like I've been there in his main character Henry Lambert of the very funny Young Adult novel I Have a Bad Feeling About This?Henry might best be called a wimpy kid if not a nerd He is a smart and likeable kidwhatever that gets you in the childhood food chain He gets picked last in all the playground sports He is scared of a lot of things including seahorses I'm not proud of that one he says His father with clear reluctance from Henry's mother signs him up in a survival camp to make the proverbial man out of him What is advertised as a professional boot camp environment is really a barely hanging together camp whose victims include five boys led by a drill sergeant type whoif not the guy from Heavy Metal Jacket is at least to be trying to emulate him I Have a Bad Feeling About This is one of those YA novels that will appeal to children and teens because they can identify with the protagonists The humor is plenty but grounded in reality and not condescending The sharp humor is also why this novel will appeal to adults The first half of the novel deals with the boys' learning but just barely the survival skills of the instructor Some of the funnier moments are derived from these events such as their first time at archery That bird shouldn't have been there There is also a sweet moment when Henry meets a girl from the Music Camp down the road As a veteran of teen music camps I can assure you that we are bad ass The boys are not placed in danger which comes from an unexpected chain of events until the second half of the novel While is it fun to watch the kids awkwardly defend themselves I found the real strength of this tale in the first half where we can identify with the teen's reluctance struggles Yet the entire book is a delightfully fun read The author also does us a service by adding in helpful survival tips like Tree bark is not edible even with peanut butterOverall this is one of the funnier and enjoyable YA novels I have read I admit I am not an expert in YA books but I have a lifetime of expertise in nerdology so that has to account for something It is a truism that in the long run nerds do better in life than jocks but that is little comfort for the young adults struggling with the fine art of growing up Books like this are helpful in giving a good perspective OK So I may be exaggerating It is still a funny book

  6. says:

    The first half of this had every bit of humor that I expect from all of Jeff's novels but the second half the action half didn't really do it for me It should be noted that this is a YA book I am not a YA I don't own any YA's Hell I don't even know what they eat but if I were a YA perhaps I would have enjoyed the second half 4 stars for the first half The second half depends on the YA factor35?

  7. says:

    Two weeks of survival camp is not what Henry had planned for his summer vacation but his parents feel this is what Henry needs Not being an outdoorsy type of person Henry prefers his video games over any type of physical exertion Just like Henry his best friend Randy prefers relaxing and he gets winded just eating “corn on the cob too uickly” Randy is also committed to going to camp but he’s excited to attend as he discovers an all girl’s camp is close by As the boys meet the other campers they discover that the other attendees are not as numerous as they had hoped for It’s a small group and as Max the camp leader gets the campers under control Max means business Max wants to run a tight ship yelling ordering and making these two weeks miserable for the boys With each boy having their own personality own expressions and wittiness you never know what is going to occur As Max tries to lecture and critiue the campers I was laughing at the boy’s thoughts and responses I thought the author nailed these they were perfect Henry was doing a lot of thinking and I was giggling out loud and shaking my head Henry Henry Henry it’s a good thing that Max could not hear your thoughts or you’d be doing a lot of push ups Boys will be boys and sometimes the humor was dry but it was so perfect for this situation Max has other issues besides the campers When the thugs come to collect on the debt they didn’t expect to run into a bunch of adolescents This reminded me of Home Alone its kids against the thugs Home Alone has great memories for me and I enjoyed this part of the book as the battle rages Oh yeah the all girl camp It’s there and Henry has a story to tell you It’s only two weeks the campers can make it right?I really needed a book like this Something fun enjoyable and entertaining What I enjoyed the most was the reality of the book Henry didn’t want to go to camp he knew from watching the video what he was walking into but he went because his parents made him His assessment while there and the actionsremarks made by the other campers made me feel like I was a fly on the wall I didn’t feel that there was one dominating character in the book; each character had strong and weak traits which supported the other individuals Sure Henry was the main character but the book is not all about him To laugh all the way through a book is a great accomplishment and I truly have to commend the author for his ability to carry that speed and endurance I could tell you some funny parts but there are so many the shelters was great the conversations were funny the boy’s training; words cannot explain this experience there’s so much plus you’ll have to read the book to find out how they do in The Strongwoods Survival Camp Survival Games I will definitely be reading this book again as just thinking about it now brings a smile to my face“Each crack sounded like a cannon going off Henry suddenly felt significantly less courageous Crap He was going to freaking die Why didn’t life have a restore function so he would take back the last thirty seconds?”Thanks NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book

  8. says:

    I Have A Good Feeling About ThisThis book is very funny but while it's aimed at a middle grade audience it isn't very much like your usual middle grade heroadventurecomedy The hook is that Henry and his buddy Randy are sent to a semi psycho survival camp in order to toughen up When they get there there are only three other campers all nerds and geeks and the owneroperator who is hilariously over the top as a mental manic drill instructor The rest of the plot has the kids settling in as campers and then fighting off an attack from some criminals sort of like Home Alone in the woods Monica from the nearby music camp joins them and is of course the most competent of the lot as well as a very funny love interest for besotted HenryHere's the thing the book is deadpan funny The dialogue crackles There are great set pieces like when the kids first go the archery range or are served their first survivalist camp lunch But there are very sharp edgy perceptive throwaway lines and tossed off bits The writing is crisp and on point The book feels like a novelization of a very funny stand up comedy act Think about taking an act based on rambling shaggy dog stories of youth say from Bill Cosby or Jean Shepard Then augment that with observational humor from a Seinfeld or a Paula Poundstone Then amp that up with the angry comic riffs of a Lewis Black or a Sam Kinison Mix it together and tone it down to a middle grade PG rating and that's what you have here It's that goodThere is no fartbooger humor or any of the other cheap laughs or gimmicks you often get in even good middle grade humor These laughs are carefully built with some jokes being built up over a page or two this boys is a grenade and some just rolling out rat a tat tat And get this each kid is different with a different personality and a different way of being funny and appealing I liked our hero Henry who was a fundamentally sound kid coping with an increasingly weird world I liked his best buddy Randy who was a gung ho slightly unstrung cheerleader I liked their loyalty to each other their courage in the face of lunatic adversity and their gallows humor approach to lifeThe book isn't angsty or emo or deep It's like a service comedy for middle graders HUGE HUGE SPOILER The only weird unnecessary choice I found was the author's decision to actually have the camp head killed by the gangsters I guess it ramps up the drama and the stakes and makes the book edgier and grown up but it was an out of place and non essential development that detracted from my enjoyment of the book was not in sync with the tone of the rest of the book and left me disappointed in the author's lack of imaginationPlease note that I received a free advance ecopy of this book in exchange for a candid review Apart from that I have no connection at all to either the author or the publisher of this book

  9. says:

    I never got to go to any kind of summer camp in the woods when I was a boy Maybe that's because I practically grew up in the woods so it would have been kind of redundant Reading Jeff Strand's I Have a Bad Feeling About This I wonder if I would have wound up in the wuss category that Henry Lambert finds himself in by decree of his own father no lessHenry is meek and mild to the point even that he makes Clark Kent look like Bill O'Reilly He's sixteen with one real friend in school who is way psyched about spending a week in the woods to test his burgeoning manliness There's not a lot he could do to get out of it though and even less to escape it once he realizes the camp is a little less impressive than advertised The accommodations are rustic to say the least and the counselor is about as congenial as Bill O'Reilly when someone messes with his teleprompter too many O'Reilly references? I'll stop I swearAnyway it's not all bad for Henry He's getting better at archery in so much that he isn't missing by so great a distance any longer plus he made a new friend while sleeping outside as punishment a very cute friend from a neighboring camp But things turn dangerous before long even dangerous than teaching clutzy kids how to handle firearms when a trio of gangsters show up looking for the counselor whom they believe owes a great deal of moneyJeff Strand writes this fast paced novel with the uippy forthrightness that you might expect from an angst ridden and terminally awkward teen boy The humor permeates through every paragraph but there are moments where it goes one punchline too many Some of the jokes are meant to be bad so there you go Henry's brain since it's his story for the vast majority of the novel is a hornet's nest of hypochondria One sentence barely finishes before he's worrying about something else in the next If you find that kind of narrative hard to take at the beginning it isn't going to go any easier for you for the rest of the storyIf you have a soft spot in your soul for those old 80s movies like Meatballs or Revenge of the Nerds and Adventures in Babysitting I'm guessing you'll find a fair bit to enjoy with I Have a Bad Feeling About This

  10. says:

    Possibly the funniest book I ever read I laughed out loud several timesThis may be a YA novel but I enjoyed it immensely